I won't give up on you
by Tanja
Summary: Some thoughts in a hospital room


Title: I won't give up on you (1/1) Author: Tanja E-mail: voet@tanja-myrna.demon.nl http://www.angelfire.com/oh/xfshippers/index.html Ratings: PG Categories: S, R Keywords: Mulder/Scully Romance, Mulder/Scully thoughts Summary: Some thoughts in a hospital room. 

Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully and all the other persons don't belong to me, they are from Fox Network, Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. 

I won't give up on you (1/1) 

Mulder I'm scared, so scared of losing you, of losing the best thing that ever happened to me. You're lying in that hospital bed and try so hard to be brave, maybe not so much for yourself, but for your mother, your family, for me. But I don't want you to do that, because I know what you're trying to do, you always do that with the people you care about, not wanting to bother them with your problems, and in the mean time you're hurting. Please don't do that, scream, yell, whatever, but don't try to hide your pain for me. 

You will not get better, it'll only get worse, and in the end you will die, at least that's what the doctors are saying. But I don't believe that, I swear that I'll do anything to prevent that from happening. As long as I live, you will live, because I won't give up on you, like everybody else seems to have done already, but I won't, not before I have told you how much I love you, not before we have lived a long and happy life together, with our children and maybe our grandchildren. 

You don't even know yet that you can have children, you were told that you would never be able to have them, but you don't know that your ova are in that freezing cell in the hospital, because I still have to tell you, not before I've told you that either. 

Look what you've been through in those 4 years. I still remember the day you walked into my office for the first time, so young, so beautiful and send to spy on me. I had to remind myself of that a thousand times. But after a while things changed. I learned to trust you, the only person I'll ever trust completely, because you became my friend. And you trust me, I know you do, otherwise you wouldn't still be with me. 

You know, I still don't understand why you did stay with me, after all you've been through. You've been abducted, lost your sister and now you're sick, all because of my quest. But I promise you, just like you've never given up on me, I'll never give up on you. 

It's late at night, and I'm just sitting here in your room, thinking of you, of me, of us. I realize I'm crying, but I don't care. Suddenly I feel a small hand touching my cheek, you're awake. 

Scully I wake up, because I hear something. At first I don't know what's going on, but then I realize that somebody's crying. I open my eyes slowly, and despite of the darkness in the room, I can see Mulder, sitting close to my bed, his head on his hands. He's crying. 

I move my hand to touch his cheek. At first I get no reaction, but then his hand touches mine. And finally he looks up, his face, he looks so lost, so desperate. Oh Mulder, why are you doing this to yourself. I know what you're doing, you're blaming yourself for all of this, but you can't do that. 

I am the one that chose to stay with you, I could have left if I wanted, but I didn't, because I didn't want to, I couldn't, how can you leave the person you love? Maybe some things wouldn't have happened if I hadn't stayed, but then I wouldn't have had you around me. 

I would have missed your hand on my back, when we enter somewhere, your crazy theories, the way you're always trying to convince me that you're right, even when you're not. I would have missed the looks and our conversations, the way you look at me with those beautiful eyes, when I'm explaining something, your jokes, you teasing me, and probably a hundred other things. That's why I stayed, not because I felt sorry for you, not because somebody forced me to stay, but because I chose. I chose love over a life without you, a life that would have been so empty otherwise, and I found everything I ever wanted, I found it in you. 

You touch my cheek tenderly with your hand. I close my eyes and I make a promise. I'll fight this thing, with everything I have. Just promise to fight the fight with me, don't leave me. I need you to believe in me, please don't leave me. I whisper those last words, thinking you didn't hear them, but you did, I realize that when you softly whisper "never, I'll promise I'll never leave you". 

And that's when I know I will never lose, no matter what will happen with you and me, I've won. Because I have you. 

The End 

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